Although I am not very southern, I live in the south. Somehow, I just ended up here. I have (unfortunately) called this place home for a long time, and one thing has been increasingly upsetting me. Everyone “around these parts” utilizes obnoxious southern expressions instead of speaking standard English. To clarify, they announce a plethora of long and confusing shit (many times involving small animals) to express what they truly mean.
Every region of the world has specific expressions and colloquialisms. I get that. What is do not understand is: why? Nine times out of ten, the actual meaning of the expression is shorter and more to the point than the hillbilly slang version. Also, the expression generally makes no damn sense. Then, person A has to explain to person B what the fuck he is talking about. Suddenly, everything has gotten totally out of hand. What’s the point? Time and sanity wasted.
I will never understand why people utilize regional expressions. Why not just say what you mean? To prove that speech has been raped by this phenomenon, I will present you with specific examples of the de-evolution of talking (in convenient table form).
Expression | Shorter way of expressing your thoughts that also doesn’t make you sound like a moron |
| "Six one, half-dozen the other." | Â "Same Thing." |
| Â "I have a hitch in my giddy-up." | Â "I'm sick." |
| Â "You are about as useful as a chocolate teapot." | "You aren't useful." |
| Â "A snail in molasses " | "Slow" |
| "Do this at the drop of a hat." | "Do this quickly." |
| Â "Throw in my two cents worth." | "This is what I think." |
| Â "This is no sweat." | "This is easy." |
| Â "He took it hook, line, and sinker." | "He believed me." |
| Â "You're the cream in my coffee, the sugar in my bowl." | "I like you." |
| Â "You zigged when you should have zagged." | "You did it wrong." |
| Â "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." | "Be nice." |
|  "You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it." | "Deal with it." |
| Â " I take my hat off to you." | "I recognize your excellence." |
| Â " I think George W. Bush is a Great President." | "My parents are siblings." |
As you have probably noticed, the right side of this table is generally more concise and much, much less annoying.  Life is short, stop wasting my time.  More importantly, stop mesmerizing me with your damn redneck voodoo.
Say what you mean.
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