Something happened today.  Something that really set me off.  Something that really had to be dealt with.  Something that required... revenge?  Two things happened in my life that led to this moment.

1) I was in high school, and needed a job.  I applied at a local restaurant called “Atlanta Bread Company.”  The manager at this particular restaurant was a complete bitch.  I could go on forever about how she made me wait for an hour only to talk to me like a child, but… just trust me.  This whore needed to be slapped.  I did not slap her, though.  Nay, I simply walked out peacefully and held a grudge for 5 years.  Not a day goes by since then that I don't drive by said restaurant and get a bitter feeling in my stomach.

2)Yesterday, I went to a Burger King.  I’m not a huge BK fan, and this day reminded me why.  The service was slow, the food was disgusting, and the cashier (who was clearly the product of a brother/sister marriage) was as much of a bitch as the bread lady.

However, this time… I couldn’t simply let it go.  I have grown physically, emotionally, and kickasserly. I vowed revenge.  And, if I was to be vindicated, why not go ahead and target the bread company and heal two emotional scars at once?  It was time to plot and conspire.

The Plan

After going home and throwing away my more than likely poisoned whopper, I began to come up with a plan.  To be honest, it wasn’t that cool.  While I would have liked to have a time-lapsed montage like in the bank-robbery movies, this plotting simply consisted of me sitting in a chair staring at the door.  Sorry.

The plan had been hatched.  I wanted to take the high-road.  I wanted to let these people know how much they have hurt us.  I wanted to do this is a mature fashion.  There was only one answer:

Prank.Phone.Call.

But, this couldn’t be a normal prank phone call.  I had to do this right.  While me calling them and saying something about their refrigerators would have been downright funny, it wouldn’t have been enough.  I had to create a technical masterpiece of a prank phone call.

The Setup

The phone rings at both restaurants. They both hear the call, and assume they are answering a call.  And, they are.  But here’s the trick: when they answer, they are connected to each other.  So both restaurants answer the phone, and get each other on the other end.  Will confusion and hilarity ensue?  One can only hope.  This was my one shot.  If it didn’t work, it’s not like I can simply try again.  Five years of emotional wounds and bottled bitterness was at stake here.  It had to work.

The Execution

With no further ado, here is the recorded phone call I made on this beautiful day:

 

 

It worked.  I am free.  No more will I be held down by hatred that burns inside my soul like a flame-broiled hamburger.

Phones, I thank you.  Your healing powers are infinite.