Too Long; Didn't Read

For some reason, it’s really tough to find a truly great fight scene in a movie. Movies like The Matrix suck because it’s all wires, which is cheating. You can plant a legless guy on a rocket bike and send him soaring across the Sahara desert, but it doesn’t make him the fastest person alive. Then you have fight scenes that are legitimately done, but they just lack the punch (that pun was so fucking intended) necessary for a good fight scene. Fortunately, I’ve been able to round up five that just radiate greatness.

99% of the time, I hate remakes. The amount of creativity that goes into a remake is somewhere around the amount that Carlos Mencia uses to come up with his stand-up. Or the amount that it takes to make fun of Carlos Mencia. But it’s not just the lack of creativity that bothers me. It’s also the predictability. If I’ve already seen the original version and I know that the masked killer cuts off the heroine’s boyfriend’s dick halfway through, then there’s no surprise when the masked killer cuts off the heroine’s boyfriend’s dick in the remake halfway through.