This is not a normal post for us. It’s not going to be witty, and (unfortunately) will involve no rape. But, over the years I have made my computer ridiculously awesome, and mostly for free. Most freeware is trash. Most freeware is scary to download. I am going to recommend some safe/kickass programs here, which are all absolutely free to download and use. I have no affiliate programs with these people (hell, its freeware), so you know you can trust me. Ok, you don’t know, but I am a borderline decent human being. If you know of any kickass freeware, please feel free to add to this list using the comment section.

Sandboxie

As a cool kid, we may from time to time do some shady things on the internet. I don’t want to go into specifics, but a lot of the time weird porn sites attack you with viruses and spyware. Sometimes, we download keygens or some other program, which often include viruses or attempt to make changes to your registry. Hell, sometimes we just open a program we aren't sure of! Even with spyware and virus protection, you aren’t really that safe. Introducing: Sandboxie! I stumbled upon this program a few months ago, and I can now wade through midget porn with ease. I don’t illegally download programs, but if I did, this sure would help. Essentially, you can open any program within Sandboxie (notably your web browser) and it will open “sandboxed.” What this means is it allows the read functions of your hard drive, but not the write functions. So, anything attempting to make any changes to your hard drive will be blocked. However, if you are running Firefox or Internet Explorer (or safari, pfft) and you WANT to download a file, there is a handy list of all sandboxed files which can then be easily restored to your hard drive. It does a lot more cool things, but I won’t waste your time here. There is a nice tutorial on their website. Check it out. http://www.sandboxie.com/

Media Monkey

If you are like me, you have to use iTunes. You have an iPod, and Apple all but forced you to install their program. Furthermore, you hate it. It’s clunky, uses too many resources, and won’t let you do anything. Try re-labeling your collection with iTunes. It. Sucks. So, I spent a few days attempting to find the greatest free media player out there. I found it. It uses almost no resources and opens almost instantly. It plays all files. It accepts iPods and pretty much any other device. It has tons of skins included, and more can be downloaded. It burns CDs. Yeah, it does all the normal stuff much better than iTunes. But, it does MORE. With one click, it will search Amazon (or other sites) for album information and automatically downloads all the information AND album covers for you. It. Is. Great. You have to check this one out. http://www.mediamonkey.com/

Note: While MediaMonkey is completely free to download and use, they do offer a Gold version for $20. The free version, in my opinion, does everything you would ever need. But if you like the program, I am sure the Gold Version may be something to look into.

CCleaner

I feel like most people already know about this one, but it’s classically one of the best freeware programs out there. In my opinion, it is the best system cleaner out there, and it’s completely free. It gets rid of all that BS temp data filling up your hard drive. I could go all out describing this one, but just check out their website. It will tell you everything you need: http://www.ccleaner.com/

Note: CCleaner also includes a registry cleaner, which I find to be overly aggressive. I wouldn’t use this part of the program unless you know what you are doing.

Logon Studio

From Stardock comes the program I have always wanted. You ever feel like Windows is very customizable, but some of it just… isn’t? Since XP, we have login screens at bootup. But, Windows doesn’t allow you to change them! What if that XP blue doesn’t match our curtains? What if Vista black is killing our Feng Shui? Logon Studio (for XP and Vista) not only allows you to change the background picture of your logon screen, it also includes a community aspect that allows you to upload or download pictures from other users. http://www.stardock.com/products/logonstudio/

Pixlr

This one isn't really freeware, but I had to include it.  Pixlr is a completely web-based photo editing software.  Open it up, and you may recognize it almost immediately.  It is a lot like Adobe's popular Photoshop.  It has all the tools, layers, effects, etc etc.  Is it as intense and full-featured as photoshop?  Well, no.  But it is free, and requires no download.  Check it out here:  http://www.pixlr.com/app/

Those are some of the best freeware programs I have found on the world wide interwebs. And, I can bet there is at least one up there that you have never heard of. Stay tuned for Volume 2.  Check out our feed to be notified of volume 2 immediately.