Too Long; Didn't Read

Citizens of the Third World, it's safe to come out now.  Well, maybe not right now, and maybe not blanket safe, but if you're connected to the internet and reading this website, you probably aren't from the Third World now, are you?  So quit yer bitching, the Democrats are back in business.

I'm probably more surprised than most.  I honestly thought it would come down to two things:

1. Barack Obama is black.  John McCain is white.
2. John McCain has an All-American Name(TM).  Barack Hussein Obama has a foreign-sounding name that's none-too-similar to that of a notorious terrorist (more on that later).

Clearly I didn't give you guys enough credit.  Of course, I neglected several other factors that came into play:

• Barack Obama is young(ish).  John McCain is old.
• Sarah Palin is hot [for her age - oh, who am I kidding?  She's just plain hot.].  I don't even remember the name of that other guy.
• Sarah Palin is also dumb.  Whether or not this is a good thing combined with the above, I'm not sure.
• The stock market crashed while the Republicans were in office.  Whether or not it was their fault is beside the point - the vase broke, and they were there when it happened.
• Iraq.
• Did I mention that Sarah Palin was hot?

Back to the name thing.  I know it's something of a flogged horse at this point, but Barack Hussein Obama?!  Seriously, what were the Democrats thinking when they put him up for candidacy, and what were the New York absentee voters thinking when they voted for him?!  Sure, only 300+ people had a choice between John McCain and Barack Osama, but Mr. Freud on the ballot paper was only saying what everyone was thinking, regardless of the intention.  Of course, it would take quite an upward slip on the keyboard to type 'S' in place of 'B', plus a liberal dose of incompetence to slip past as many officials as it did.  Clearly there is no such thing as bad publicity [see also: Sarah Palin].

Barack's probably just thankful that his middle name wasn't on there, but who knows?  Maybe McCain has a dorky middle name like Eugene or Lesley, though it's likely something even more American like McJohn(TM) or Clancy.

Anyway, props to you America, for voting your little hearts out.  I hope the new President works out for you.